Thursday, December 29, 2011

I'm a scanner!

“You love everything, right!” Well, yes. “But you get bored and go off on tangents! And you think it’s bad that you keep quitting things and moving on!” Yes, yes, I do! “Don’t! Have some fun with it instead!”

I recently subscribed to Sarah Wilson's blog, mostly because of her "I Quit Sugar" e-book. I immediately found her charming, familiar, adorable and real. So when she posted about things that stuck with her, and linked to an April post about being a scanner, I clicked and dove in. What I read blew my mind and pinned me in a "nail-on-the-head" kind of way that I'm still reeling from. It will take me a while to fully digest the fact that it's okay to just be this way and embrace it.
"Possibly the most reassuring advice I’ve been given"

I'm a scanner! I've always been a scanner. It has bothered me- not that I am one, but that it wasn't an acceptable thing to be! It bothered me from the time I was a child that I had to pick one thing to "be". "I want to be a ballerina, and an actress, and a singer, and an artist, and an author, AND a chef, AND a photographer, AND a veterinarian!" I'd say. Most kids can't name just one. Why have we limited ourselves? It is beyond me! For those who are happy to pick one profession and let that be their definition- if that makes you feel safe and comfy- wonderful and congratulations. I am not you. The thought of that is not a comfy, cozy safe place to me. It is a straight jacket. It is a humdrum hole of dimly lit blandness.

On a slight tangent, that is why I haven't posted on this blog for far too long and most likely have lost most of my readers. The almost-vegan super-chef thing that I rocked for a few years just didn't fit anymore. I had another baby (which I did manage to post about), and became a crazy busy mom of four. I set my camera on the shelf (mostly) and closed my photography business of 4 years. I got really into essential oils and co-wrote/photographed a cookbook (which I also managed to post about- yay me!). I have built, sewn, edited, designed, researched, written, taught, learned, created, lifted, beaten, worked. I want to doula, certify in yoga, go primal, learn to knit and solder, and about a million other things! So this blog is going to be shifting with me. I hope that's okay. There will be recipes and links still, but more personal discovery and discussion as well. I have an aversion to being defined by something I do. I just like to be a me that does (and is good at) lots of things.

This past birthday, I decided what I really wanted was an online Italian Language Course. I was pretty shocked at how many "why would you want to do that?" reactions there were to it when I brought it up excitedly in conversations with friends and family. My first thought was, "Why wouldn't you want to do that??" It's a beautiful language- Latin based and easy to learn, thus a great transition from my minimal Spanish to other languages I'd like to learn as well. It is also, in a way, my personal commitment to make it to Italy someday. And I will!!

I'm finding out that while there are surprisingly (at least to me) many people that don't understand where I'm coming from, there are myriads of people that feel so much like I do. Reading the comments on that blog post made me go, "YES!!" When I read the article things started to fall into place in my mind, including understanding about my husband- my best friend, this man with immense potential that I'm wild about and have wished I could help find his "one passion and career direction" for so many years. I'm pretty sure he is a scanner too. Now we just need to figure out how to embrace it and make it work for us!


mfwave said...

Yay for scanners!

As a student, it's really hard to be a scanner.

Students most commonly try to buckle down, pick a major and lock into a lifetime career. You pick one thing and do that for the rest of your life.

Kakes said...

Yes! That's one of the frustrating things to me... unless you think in longer terms. Now is your season for your current degree- if it's a fairly general one, then it should serve you well as you scan beyond studenthood. (Studentdom? College anyway.) With the economy as it is, most people- no matter their intentions to do so, don't end up locked in a lifetime career. And if they do set themselves on that course, they may be suddenly and shockingly derailed when they get laid off, or the company goes under. In an uncertain economic climate a measure of scannerness could do us all some good. Call it emergency preparedness. :)

Kris said...

I LOVED this post. Why? Because I love reading about self discovery. I'm SO glad you are able to better understand yourself and realize that it's GREAT. I am most definitely not a scanner (I love teaching and all things related to teaching) but I look up to people like you. Things are so much more interesting and wonderful because of you!

thankful 6 said...

Hello my name is Angie and I'm a scanner. And I married a scanner. Our kids are scanners. It brings variety to our personalities and our lives. There's both down falls with this lifestyle since I'm not consistent with anything like parenting, budgeting, dieting, etc. That's OK! I'm OK with that. Mike loves that about me so if it's not broke why change it? Well..... maybe I'll just paint it and add some gemstones to it :-) haha

Kakes said...

Haha! Nice Angie! Yes. Love it and bedazzle it!