“You love everything, right!” Well, yes. “But you get bored and go off on tangents! And you think it’s bad that you keep quitting things and moving on!” Yes, yes, I do! “Don’t! Have some fun with it instead!”
I recently subscribed to Sarah Wilson's blog, mostly because of her "I Quit Sugar" e-book. I immediately found her charming, familiar, adorable and real. So when she posted about things that stuck with her, and linked to an April post about being a scanner, I clicked and dove in. What I read blew my mind and pinned me in a "nail-on-the-head" kind of way that I'm still reeling from. It will take me a while to fully digest the fact that it's okay to just be this way and embrace it.
"Possibly the most reassuring advice I’ve been given"
I'm a scanner! I've always been a scanner. It has bothered me- not that I am one, but that it wasn't an acceptable thing to be! It bothered me from the time I was a child that I had to pick one thing to "be". "I want to be a ballerina, and an actress, and a singer, and an artist, and an author, AND a chef, AND a photographer, AND a veterinarian!" I'd say. Most kids can't name just one. Why have we limited ourselves? It is beyond me! For those who are happy to pick one profession and let that be their definition- if that makes you feel safe and comfy- wonderful and congratulations. I am not you. The thought of that is not a comfy, cozy safe place to me. It is a straight jacket. It is a humdrum hole of dimly lit blandness.
On a slight tangent, that is why I haven't posted on this blog for far too long and most likely have lost most of my readers. The almost-vegan super-chef thing that I rocked for a few years just didn't fit anymore. I had another baby (which I did manage to post about), and became a crazy busy mom of four. I set my camera on the shelf (mostly) and closed my photography business of 4 years. I got really into essential oils and co-wrote/photographed a cookbook (which I also managed to post about- yay me!). I have built, sewn, edited, designed, researched, written, taught, learned, created, lifted, beaten, worked. I want to doula, certify in yoga, go primal, learn to knit and solder, and about a million other things! So this blog is going to be shifting with me. I hope that's okay. There will be recipes and links still, but more personal discovery and discussion as well. I have an aversion to being defined by something I do. I just like to be a me that does (and is good at) lots of things.
This past birthday, I decided what I really wanted was an online Italian Language Course. I was pretty shocked at how many "why would you want to do that?" reactions there were to it when I brought it up excitedly in conversations with friends and family. My first thought was, "Why wouldn't you want to do that??" It's a beautiful language- Latin based and easy to learn, thus a great transition from my minimal Spanish to other languages I'd like to learn as well. It is also, in a way, my personal commitment to make it to Italy someday. And I will!!
I'm finding out that while there are surprisingly (at least to me) many people that don't understand where I'm coming from, there are myriads of people that feel so much like I do. Reading the comments on that blog post made me go, "YES!!" When I read the article things started to fall into place in my mind, including understanding about my husband- my best friend, this man with immense potential that I'm wild about and have wished I could help find his "one passion and career direction" for so many years. I'm pretty sure he is a scanner too. Now we just need to figure out how to embrace it and make it work for us!